I feel it is quite possible that i need to not make any sense before i sail on the ships of sense making, to my destination of the land of BLOG. A tiny little island, well it looks tiny from where i stand. i am standing on the shores of wish. I look out over the vast horizon and i see it…i see it! It’s so tiny, the land of BLOG.
I tell my husband i am funny, but he says i can’t say that about myself.
I use this silly little example to explain my feelings about blogging and all my many posts that have no daily maintenance or neat organized chronological themes. I look on other blogs and they are great ; like diaries laden with consecutive dates and meal plans and updated pictures of today’s happenings, or goals they set and work towards.
Right now that’s not me, not my blog. I resisted a blog out of fear and paranoia and technology phobia, in addition to all the details that i cannot seem to be bothered with. Too much work. I actually attempted three other times to start a blog, but i turned up empty handed. I remained stuck with my feet in the quicksands of pen and paper. Warm, comfortable, familiar. A love affair i do not intend to abandon even now, and yet perhaps i can bring a small bucket of sand with me as i start on this strange new adventure.
I write as often as the rain falls in Seattle. As often as the snow falls on Everest. and there is something inside me (probably that same something that tells my husband i am funny) that says i have something to say. I have something important that people will want to hear and that someone on this planet may even benefit from. Naturally when i walk into a book store or a library i feel small and insignificant and tell myself i am deleting my blog as soon as possible. Why bother, anything that i could possibly say has probably already been said before. But my therapist encouraged me by reminding me that they have never been told from my perspective. true enough, but these three things have thus far kept me from writing public,
1. it’s already been said
2. No one cares
3. they will think I’m crazy.
i will add this new one since starting the blog.
4. someone will steal my identity.
it might be interesting since i change emotional states almost as frequently (if not more) than i change underwear, which is daily.. so i make for an interesting read, (maybe i can’t say that about myself either).
but the real reason for this blog, that i want to develop in time into my own beautiful home, is that i want to change my world. Is that to big a goal to aim for? well, I’m aiming, I’m sailing, I’m setting off, I’m taking a risk, (and trust me for those who know me, a blog is a big risk) as i am not a natural risk taker. as my friend says, “a risk for you is opening an email from someone you don’t know) which ironically is the total truth! in fact this morning, there was an unfamiliar email and i panicked, oh no i thought, someone got my email, i was afraid who knows what crazy nut is writing me. I deleted immediately.
But here i am sailing on, and i hope someone reads on and doesn’t get scared by my seemingly random posts , thoughts, long stories and deep poetry. It’s just me charting an unknown course.